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Am I Still Mine If Nobody Sees?

by The Revenants

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1.
In my old bedroom I’d be listening to “Music From Big Pink” I’d roll a joint in the gatefold It had that stanky skunky stink And when “The Weight” would start playing My creaky old bed would start swaying In my old bedroom It was my hideaway My hideaway from all the screaming In my old bedroom My secret place My secret place where I was dreaming In my old bedroom I’d lie me down, I’d lie me down and masturbate I’d dream of that girl in Geometry class And how I might ask her out on a date But I never ever found the cojones I was too busy standing on ceremonies No one could hurt me Or say I’m retarded I could be myself And not be guarded In my old bedroom I could pretend that I was the new Bob Dylan I’d fake my way on my shit guitar My playing was weak but my spirit was willin’ My sister would bust in and laugh at me She’d say, Who you trying to be
2.
Unquiet Mind 05:37
There is hurt here A world of pain A world of pain that no one sees No one would know it It’s not on my face No it’s a deep down dark deep disease Unquiet mind, unquiet mind Up there nothing’s safe and warm Unquiet mind, unquiet mind Up there there’s a raging storm There is hurt here A world of sadness A world of sadness buried underneath It is not apparent With all the jokes I tell I keep it dug down beneath clenched teeth The unquiet mind is never sleeping The unquiet mind is wide awake The unquiet mind brings on the darkness You give and give and it does take There’s a dream here One that’s replayed One that’s replayed for all eternity Never got no caring Never got no loving That’s what was the death of me
3.
I wait on you in the morning I wait on you in the afternoon I wait on you in the evening You're not coming or going any time soon Got the waiting on you Waiting on you Waiting on you blues Got the waiting on you Waiting on you Waiting on you blues Might as well take a snooze I'm all dressed up I'm all set to get on going When you'll be good and ready Well I have no way of knowing You tell me, Gimme a minute But that minute turns into an hour Wanna kick you in your keister But I ain't got that kind of power
4.
I been out in the wilderness For as long as I can recall Looking for a home to call my own A firm foundation and some drywall Hey there, hi there, ho there How have you been Wish we had a spot for you But there is no room at the inn No room at the inn Don’t take up too much space All I got is the sack on my back Just wanna a cot and a WC I’ll be as tiny as needle in a haystack If you wanna bitch about it If you wanna complain Get yourself back to the back of the line And stand out there in the freakin’ rain I been out in the wastelands Wasting away into an abyss If you simply open the door I will plant on you a kiss
5.
What have I heard I have heard the word And what is the word The word is The word is One more day no word One more day no word That’s all that I heard That's what I heard What does it say And what does it mean It says what it says And it means what it means There is the text And there is the subtext What’s above the subtext Is the text
6.
Jump 04:14
My whole body aches It aches me right down to the bone Something’s burning in me Burning like acetone There ain’t no remedy There ain’t no kind of cure And I gotta wonder How much more I can endure Wanna jump Wanna jump out of my skin Wanna blow myself up Wanna pull out the pin Wanna jump out of my skin I don’t have good days I just have days of endless pain I go out for a stroll And I get hit by a train I don’t ask for much I ask for nothing at all Try to right myself But then I stumble and fall I didn’t ask for this But this is what I got Ask me how much it hurts It hurts a lot I raise the white flag And I am calling for surrender Will you take me by the hand Will you treat me sweet and tender Is it too much to ask Won’t you give me what I need Or would rather be a jerk And simply watch me bleed
7.
Just got a text From a friend of mine named Crump Said it'd been a half a century Said he was sorry He had not been in touch He said he kinda sorta missed me But here was the kicker Here was the part Here was the part That broke my heart You got your issues 'Bout being left behind But the thought of you Was the furthest thing from my mind Why did you forsake me, I said Did you want to break me Abandonment Just got a text From a friend of mine named Leigh It’d been way, way too long Life intercedes Shit comes up She was singing the same tired old song Then she dropped the bomb Said, Just between you and me You're a drag A drag, Larry Just got a text From a friend of my named Tom Wanted to wish me happy new year Said sorry he was late About a month or two Just can’t get my stupid butt in gear But then he said That thing he likes to say That he loves me And I wonder is he gay
8.
All the crazy stuff that people do It can drive you mad Just when you think you got it all figured out You wind up feeling had You give ‘em slack And then they reel you in You try to connect A little yang to your yin Live and learn Live and learn That’s a pretty good bet Live and learn Live and learn Forgive and forget All the crazy stuff that people do It can drive you nuts No way to sort out the lies from the truth Like sifting through blood and guts Don’t take it to heart When someone runs you down Don’t look for a lifeline When you’re about to drown All the crazy stuff that people do It kicks you in the butt Wanna rail and scream all about it But you've learned to keep you mouth shut No use in fighting back When no one’s gonna change Gotta suck it all up And live in a world gone strange
9.
Blue Sunday 05:25
It's a Sunday morning And the snow is coming down The sky is gray And all the leaves are brown Went out for a walk On this winter's day Well I would be safe and warm If I was out in LA I am blue I am blue for you I am blue Boo hoo I am blue Stopped into a church I passed along the way Got down on my knees And I pretend to pray You know the preacher, he likes the cold He knows I'm gonna stay California dreamin’ On Such a winter’s day All the leaves are brown And the sky is gray I've been for a walk On a winter's day If I didn't tell her I could leave today California dreamin’ On such a winter’s day
10.
Heat and humidity Gonna be the death of me Where can I seek sweet relief Hop on that Blue Line train Go where it's a less insane Pack up my woes and say goodbye to my grief Next stop Wonderland Down the rabbit hole I go Next stop Wonderland Where I go nobody know Is that a breeze I feel Why does it feel surreal Did the gummies just kick in Shoes, ships and sealing wax Rows and rows of sunburned backs Hey dude that's me trippin' I dive into the ocean blue And when I come up I am born anew All the ice cream is melting And the seagulls are pelting And my feet are all covered with tar Get back on that Blue Line train Click clack like a blue migraine Stop and go like a bumper car
11.
January Town 05:33
Christmas is done and gone And all the presents are tossed out in the trash The tree has been take down And I am plumb outta cash Got them January blues And a snow is coming down, down, down The light is dim and gray All over this January town It is ten below And I'm freezing down to my marrow Gonna put my feet up And lower down my sombrero They say April is cruel But they got that all wrong January is hell That's why I'm singing this song It's the dead of winter And there ain't nowhere to go The last thing I wanna do Is go out and shovel the fucking snow
12.
Wish I had the time to say goodbye But I gotta be moving right along I’ve packed my stuff Ain’t that much Just some socks, some shirts And this here song Don’t know where I’m going But this much is clear Gotta get going out of here I am gone, gone from here And I won’t be coming back I am gone, gone from here Out of the blue into the black Gone from here I am sorry if I brought you down You should know I had good intentions Yeah I get it It don’t make no sense My disbelief and its suspensions What do you care, I’m out of your hair And I am out the door Just like that I will disappear Just like that I'm gone from here Don’t know where I’m going And I don’t care Don’t got no forwarding address You can have my stuff For what it’s worth So sorry about the mess When I get there, I’ll drop you a line Farewell to you my porcupine

about

Little soul,
you leap in the dance,
lay your head in warm air,
lift your feet out of twinkling grass,
which the wind urges into gentle motion.
–Kafka

credits

released January 13, 2024

Cover "Am I Still Mine If Nobody Sees" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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