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Better Angel

by The Revenants

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1.
Dark Spot 05:25
There's a part of me I've always questioned A part of me I can't let go Can't tell no one about it So I cover it up with a pretty good show There's a dark spot in my heart A dark spot black and bleak There's a dark spot in my soul Its name I cannot speak Don't wanna say it Don't wanna betray it That dark spot There's a part of me I've always wondered Is it the thing that makes me bad Is it the reason no loves me Is it the reason I'm like my dad There's a part of me that's always bugged me I can't identify what it is All I know is I don't understand it And that it defies analysis There's a part of me that kind of scares me It makes me act nearly insane The more I try to rid myself of it The more it seems to want to remain There's a part of me that won't let go of me A part of me that has me stuck I wish I knew how I could resist it I wish I knew how I could shuck
2.
Thought we had some kind of a deal Thought that we had an arrangement Thought you’d stick by me through thick and thin What gives with this estrangement I can’t tell a lie There’s a problem with my God and I Seems we disagree, yeah There’s a problem with my God and me Thought that we were all good Thought you’d leave me well enough alone Didn’t mean you should abandon me C’mon God, throw me a bone You’re a cold, cruel bitch When you pitch a fit It’s your world and I just live in it Thought we had it all worked out Thought that we had shaken You are one sneaky ass dude Didn’t know that I’d get taken
3.
Better Angel 05:31
You call me out when I am bad Good on you, good on you You say, “you're wrong, you’re wrong dad” You see right through my stupid shit Good on you, good on you You know when I’m a hypocrite You’re the better angel Better angel, better angel of my nature You know when I am way off base Good on you, good on you You accept I’m just a hopeless case Yeah you forgive me all my sins Good on you, good on you Don’t have to walk on needles and pins And I am thankful you’re around You keep me rooted on solid ground
4.
God put his little voice inside my head And I followed every single word that he said He said to eat my pork and save some room for pie Why he went and said that I can't say why He said if I do good I will be rewarded With all the good God stuff that can be afforded And if you want to know why I did what I did Why I let the Lord thy God run my id Can't you see that it is out of my control I leave it to the man who rocked my very soul God made me do it God whispered sweet somethings in my ear He told me that he loved me like a sweet little deer He asked if I would I like to do his bidding Sure, I'd do it, who are you kidding This is God, the big man upstairs He's the richest of all the trillionaires God made me love and God made me hate God gave me religion and God gave me fate The three big things I treasure the most Are the Father, the son and the holy ghost God told me stories to keep me in line He said, "Follow my words and all will be fine" So I do what He says even when it seems wrong And I am at least six billion strong
5.
The sun don’t shine here anymore As gray as slate As thick as hate There ain’t no love outside my door It’s all broke down Every street in every town I can’t stand it Going out of my mind Just wanna get back to better days The world’s gone crazy No place to run Just wanna get back to better days Night has fallen all over the world As dark as pitch A hateful bitch No stars in the heavens above God is hiding No hand is guiding It’s been a long, long time Been a long, long time Since I've seen the sun It’s been a long, long time Been a long, long time I got no place to run The rain is coming down in sheets The rivers swell It’s a living hell People are praying to their god above But God don’t care He’s playing solitaire
6.
Yeah, that's me, no good for nothing No good for nothing at all That's what they say, whoever they are They know how to make me feel small I'm a freak, a freak of nature Down on the bottom I trawl Yeah, that's me, I'm a loser I'm not what I used to be No, not that I was anyone great Anyone who'd make history And if I vanished overnight No one would look for me I am God's mistake, I am for God's sake As lowly as a garden snake God's mistake Yeah, that's me, I am a dummy And I do what a dummy does I do it all backward when I do it at all Don't know why or because And in the end no one sees me No one sees who I was Yeah, that's me, I am a fool And people laugh at my folly They say, What a dope, and then they snicker Glad I can make them so jolly But if they saw the real me They might change betcha by golly They might say, He's not God's mistake They might say, He's not God's mistake
7.
Get out of my way if you value your life Or at the very least the lives your loved ones I'm hear to say I'm taking over the world and I plan To do away with the with the aboved ones I don't care what you say and I don't care What you do if it's all the same to me I'll just do what I need and I will do what I do And that's what's fair at all for me And who is gonna stop me anyhow I got the devil in me, boy I will say what I say and I will do what I want As long as you don't catch me in my lie It's pretty easy to do to do what I do You see I barely even have to try I'm a little bit snarky and a little bit sneaky And I play both ends against the middle And I keep you guessin' with your head I am messin' As I slowly unravel my riddle Such is the very nasty business of my life
8.
Lightning arcs out across the sky Like so many trembling fingers It strikes in a flash then vanishes But still something awful still lingers Sometimes it rains Sometimes it's a drought Sometimes it's in-between The badlands and the wash out Sometimes it rains Sometimes it rains Blood-thirsty soldiers loot a town Leaving graveyards in their wake And the refugees stream like a river of heat These casualties that even God won't forsake Sometimes the rain can rinse us clean Sometimes the rain can wash our sins away Sometimes the rain can give us life And sometimes the rain only brings decay There are times when your glass is empty And you need something to fill it up The sky darkens and rain starts to pour down And it runneth over your crummy little cup Here comes the rain Gonna wash us down the drain Here comes the rain You don't need a weather vane
9.
Learned about God and the Golden Rule Learned so many things in my Sunday school Like the blood of Christ and all things divine And how Jesus turned the water into the wine Learned about religion and its history Learned about the supernatural mystery Learned about the good and learned about the bad And the way those Catholic schoolgirls wear that plaid Going back to Sunday school, all right Going back to Sunday school, uptight Learned about the difference between them and us Learned about consequences if I should cuss Learned about giving up candy for lent And if I do wrong how should I repent Learned about the gospels and how they apply Learned I better not ever tell a lie 'Cause when I die I will go to hell As sure as the nuns ring the church bell Learned that God will smite me if I am ever mean Learned to stay away from thoughts impure and unclean Learned about abstinence, learned to use rhythm Learned that jism rhymes with catechism Learned all of my prayers from that great big holy book Learned to keep away from priests who get that funny look Kept a code of silence all about the secret stuff Learned to be polite and never give off any guff Ate my fish on Friday's dipped in tartar sauce Got down on my knees and prayed to Jesus on the cross Learned that I must not fuss, bitch or complain And never, ever, ever take the Lord's name in vain Learned to tell a sinner from a saint Learned to tell who's righteous from those who ain't Learned when to sit and when to speak When to take it on the chin and to turn the other cheek
10.
I don't trust him and why should you I mean, look at all the trouble he's caused We cross ourselves and genuflect We obey every one of his laws We get baptized and eat fish on Fridays We follow all his sacraments We do his bidding and fight his wars We rid ourselves of discontents We live out all of his commandments We never steal, covet and/or kill We try not to take his good name in vain We know he has just so much goodwill I don't like him, never have He has made my life a living hell And those I know who choose to live without him Their lives seem pretty darn swell We sacrifice, give up for lent We tithe, we pray and we confess And we defend him to the nonbelievers When they say all he does is repress We do our best to spread the word Until every man alive sings his praise We kiss his ass and shine his shoes We follow all of his crazy ways And after our pain and suffering And after all of our goddamn work Why oh why is God a goddamn jerk Such a goddamn jerk I don't trust him and there's a reason He cannot seem to make up his mind Does he want us to forge our own path Does he want us to follow him blind We weed out all of the heathen We cast them down into the fire We live a life of sacrifice We rid ourselves of earthly desire
11.
I rise in the morning and the day unravels Like dust from a old musty rug I write it all down in my old trusty journal And it reads just like so much humbug I don’t think I believe what I’m saying I don’t know exactly how I feel And that not knowing it makes me anxious I can’t tell ya what is real High above heaven and under your spell Part of me knows that I’m not a good guy Especially when I give in to rage The part of my brain that controls my good sense Gets sent back to the stone age Do I have any say-so in how I behave Or am I ruled by my emotion The thought that I can not do the wrong thing It’s such a strange notion There’s a battle in me for what reigns supreme Between he ego and id Who will be the winner and who will lose It might take me down, God forbid I wish I were smarter and little bit strong But I’ve been battered like an old boat Ain’t no Caribbean wind gonna fill my masts Barely any life left in this nasty old goat
12.
I keep hoping for a sign Just a card or just a letter Won’t you please drop me a line Anything would make me feel better I keep hoping you’ll return But days go by and there’s no word Where have you gone my special one When will you ever come on back I been praying all these years And I’m stuck here in this cul-de-sac I look out on this old world And all I see is pain and woe Thought that you could help us out But your response has been slow I am waiting on the stoop The dream I have has been deferred Where have you gone Can’t you give a little hint Can’t remember your face Were your eyes brown or blue I do recall you had a beard And you knew a little jujitsu People are starting to suspect That you may not exist at all My special one Where have you gone

about

O shooting star
that fell into my eyes and through my body–:
Not to forget you. To endure.
–RM Rilke

credits

released May 15, 2023

Cover "Better Angel" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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