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Blue Period

by The Revenants

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1.
This is the burden I carry And it drags me down into this earth It has made me its prisoner From the moment of my birth It defines me for what I am It is the essence of my worth This is the rock This is the rock This is the rock This the secret I live with One that nobody knows It starts as a seedling And then it mutates and then it grows It has lofted me to my highs And buried me in its lows This is the nightmare I live Through all of my waking days Just when I think I am done with it It unleashes a new phase It has got me now Now and for always
2.
I feel it coming on like a storm front moving in And I black out, I black out It swallows me up and spits me into the abyss And I wither and I fade Everything appears to be a million miles away Like peering through the wrong end of a telescope I am hanging on if only barely And I know nothing will ever save me All the pain in the world All the pain in the world I feel it I gotta wonder why this is happening to me But I have no answer, no answer Maybe I’m just a bad guy beneath the good guy veneer And this my penance My just deserts But what did I ever do to anyone really Can’t think a single person I fucked over Maybe there was that one time Or maybe there were a lot more times All the pain in the world All the pain in the world I feel it I wish that I could just fall out of love forever It only ever gives me grief, fucking grief What does it matter if I ever have sex again Or if someone holds me Just to hold me Got let go of everything I’ve ever known Kiss it goodbye And say good riddance I’d be better off without it Because what I need only ever gives me All the pain in the world All the pain in the world I feel it
3.
Blue Period 05:22
The light down here is pretty dim It's hard to see my way I keep crashing and falling down Like a jiggly anime Times are hard and times are mean Not no one with half a heart I keep hoping for a new dawn A brand-new start I take a pill to lift me up But it does not take for long I start sliding down a slippery slope Can't recall went I felt strong I draw your face in my oatmeal I write your name on the sky I am deep in the valley of ash It all seems to magnify I am blue, I am blue, I am blue, period I am blue, what can I do, I am blue, period I play some chords on my mandolin But they sound out of tune I smash the thing against the wall Like I am Keith Moon Please don't try to text me, girl I don't got a smart phone Don't want nothing from no one at all Just leave me alone
4.
Unquiet Mind 05:37
There is hurt here A world of pain A world of pain that no one sees No one would know it It’s not on my face No it’s a deep down dark deep disease Unquiet mind, unquiet mind Up there nothing’s safe and warm Unquiet mind, unquiet mind Up there there’s a raging storm There is hurt here A world of sadness A world of sadness buried underneath It is not apparent With all the jokes I tell I keep it dug down beneath clenched teeth The unquiet mind is never sleeping The unquiet mind is wide awake The unquiet mind brings on the darkness You give and give and it does take There’s a dream here One that’s replayed One that’s replayed for all eternity Never got no caring Never got no loving That’s what was the death of me
5.
Up to Me 04:31
Who’s got my back There ain’t no one There ain’t no one coming to my rescue I am not good with it This whole thing sucks What the hell can I do There ain’t no hope And there ain’t no cure The best I can do is endure No one can help with this misery In the end it's up to me In the end it's up to me It’s the way I am meant to be Up to me Up to me You got the answer I don’t think so I don’t think you know what you’re doing Will I get better I mean what is better Just some ghost I am pursuing There ain't no balm There ain’t no fix In your bag of tricks No one can help with this misery Who will catch me when I fall There ain’t no one there No one at all Who will love me There ain’t no one There ain’t no one gonna feel that way It won’t be you That’s for certain It’s clear in what you do and what you say I won't be good I ain’t ever gonna heal Of this I just gotta be real No one can help with this misery
6.
Here is a memory I have of you You staring right through me like a laser ‘Bout to cut me in two Slice me up like a razor I was always helpless in your hands Your hands spreading through my ancient lands How could I ever forget How could I ever forget How could I let you go How could I ever let you go Here is a memory I have of you You hiding under a blade of grass I nearly mowed you down But in the end I saved your ass You were never all that thankful Never cared to fill me up by my tankful Please forgive me if I got it back to front My memory's not what it used to be You can go ahead and fill in the blanks Make it what you choose it to be Here is a memory I have of you You bleeding out right there on the table Your clammy hands clenched into mine Your vital signs unstable And then your lights went out Halfway through this wandering walkabout
7.
Let Go of Me 04:35
You really got a hold on me And it's driving me insane Ain't the funny kind of nuts But the kind that causes real pain So I ask you to have mercy Have mercy on me And set me free Set me free When I see your sweet green eyes I feel a strange old stirring It's like being on a carousel And I get dizzy from all the whirring So I'm asking to have mercy Have mercy on me And set me free Set me free C'mon and let me go C'mon and let me go Let go of me Let go of me This old body ain't got nobody And this old body wants you What's a poor boy What's a poor boy to do You really got a hold on me And you just won't let me go And I try to pull away from you But I'm caught in your undertow So I'm asking to have mercy Have mercy on me And set me free Set me free
8.
I guess you're right, I guess you're right I done you wrong, done you wrong What did I do, what did I do I can't recall, can't recall Did I say something that hurt you If I did I'm truly sorry Please forgive me, please forgive me Don't mean to seem so cold and hard But why do you gotta play the victim card You do not look like you been scarred Still you keep on playing the victim card You make a scene, you make a scene And I feel bad, feel real bad What did I do, hell I don't know I don't know You're sensitive Whatever it is I take it back I hope that you can forgive me I am sorry, I'm so sorry I know I can be a little bit callous Don't always think before I speak You see I like to play the tough guy And tough guys like to prey on the weak I guess you're right, I guess you're right I caused you pain, caused you pain It don't bug me No it doesn't bug me It's what I do, what I do You gotta have someone to shove around Gotta have someone to wind up Grow a pair, grow a pair
9.
It's kinda filthy in here Does't feel too safe And there's not a lot I can do about it Try to straighten it up Try to tamp it down But in the end all I do is shout out it Get out of my head Leave me alone You only ever lead me to ruin Get out of my head You old devil you Don't think I don't know what you're doin' It's pretty dark in here Tripping over my shit And I can't find the switch to turn on the light Ain't nobody to help me Ain't nobody to clear a path Nobody can save me from my plight It's really ugly in here The drapes are dirty dull brown And it smells like hydrogen sulfide There is no escape The door is boarded up shut Got no idea about the world on the outside
10.
Bonkers 04:08
What is it like to be in my head It's like a hive of bloodthirsty bees They whirl around in a black cloud Like a pack of touristy Chinese They take a picture of every little thing And spread their deadly disease Bonkers, I am bonkers I'm a lunatic Bonkers, I am bonkers I am sick, sick, sick What is it like to be in my head It's a movie with no resolution Our hero is battered and beaten In a world of confusion To him it is all too real But in truth it's a delusion There is only one way There is only one way There is only one way One way out What is it like to be in my head It's like hell to be frank It's like living in a world of porn With no way to wank Just when you think the going is good The rug gets a yank
11.
Unfit Dad 05:31
My dad used to smack me ‘round Whenever he thought I was being bad Seems like that was most of the time I mean him hitting me when he got real, real mad I was kind of puny Couldn’t put up much of a fight And whenever he wasn’t beating on me I lived in constant fright That’s no way for a kid to be No way for a kid to be Such was the thing with my dad and me My dad and me He was downright cruel This unfit dad of mine What he did to me was not at all cool This unfit dad of mine My dad packed quite a wallop With a paddle made out of Brazilian ebony He wailed that thing on my ass Yeah, really beat the tar outta me Tried to take it like a man But I was just a little boy And I could see from that look in his eye That the beating me brought him twisted joy That’s no way for a kid to be No way for a kid to be Such was the thing with my dad and me My dad and me My dad used terrorize me With that steely glint in his gray eyes He looked to me as a goddam mountain And I was pint-size I would run and duck for cover When he came home from work He had a couple of beers or three And then start acting like a fucking jerk That’s no way for a kid to live No way for a kid to live It’s not something I can easily forgive This thing with my dad and me
12.
I came to you a bit sour on hope Yeah I was all strung out On transubstantiation Did not expect much But what I did not expect Was a new strange sensation What you done did What you done did to me What you done did Living in agony What you done did What you done did to me What you done did Our weird alchemy When I opened my mouth What I said More or less made some sense to me You take it all in And you take it all out And you do it exquisitely Holy, holy Holy, holy I surprised myself sometimes 'Cause what I said Came from my psyche You stirred me up Made my innermost shit Feel all spiky

about

“No amount of love can cure madness or unblacken one's dark moods. Love can help, it can make the pain more tolerable, but, always, one is beholden to medication that may or may not always work and may or may not be bearable.” ―Kay Redfield Jamison

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released February 15, 2024

Cover "Blue Period" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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