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Disappear

by The Revenants

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1.
I don't forgive you For all that you've done You took my life And killed all the fun I don't forgive you And your cruel way I hope I hurt you Some sunny day Then you will feel what I feel Then you will feel my pain Like Sunday, like rain I don't forgive you For all the hurt you have wrought Cut me clean down the middle With one shot No I don't forgive you For breaking my heart You held it in your hands And you ripped it apart Will you feel what I feel Will you feel my pain Like Sunday, like rain The rain pours on down All across my window pane Like Sunday, like rain I don't forgive you And I never, ever will Ever since you been gone It's been nothing but downhill Never understood you Never knew your reasons why Never even left a note Never said goodbye I hope you feel what I feel I hope you feel my pain Like Sunday, like rain
2.
I'm forever at the ready I'm champing at the bit Lived my whole life screaming, This is it Nobody hears me and nobody one cares Who gives two bits about my frivolous affairs All I want is my day in the sun Especially now that my day is nearly done I am all dressed up, I got nowhere to go I wait by the ticking clock and the hands they move so slow Is this the day my ship will come Is this the day I will get me some All I need is a taste of the pie All I need is a little piece of the sky My heart is busted and so is my pride Always the bridegroom and never the bride My dreams are shattered, I’ve been denied Always the bridegroom and never the bride I've lowered my sites, I don't want for much Got no expectations, nothing nonesuch I will take what I'm given, I will take what you got Even if what you got it ain't a lot All I want is to stay afloat All I want is just a little bit of hope I am willing to settle for next to nothing at all I will rob old Peter just to pay old Paul These are desperate times and I'm a desperate man Gotta do anything any way I can I don't care if I look like a fool And I don't care if I break every single rule
3.
Had a little hope just for a little bit I held on tight, held on tight Held on tight to it Felt a little joy for just about an hour And I could feel The glory in the flower But then the wind went of my sails The wind went out of my sails Nothing good prevails When the wind went out of my sails Thought I had a chance Felt so excited The path ahead seemed clear The path seemed clear So clear and well-lighted Maybe just this once I will grieve not But rather find Strength in what remains behind In the primal sympathy Which having been must ever be In the soothing thoughts of spring Out of human suffering In the faith that looks through death In the years that bring the philosophic mind Should've known better Should be wised up by now Everything I want Yeah everything I want The world just won't allow What is the point It's the question I keep seeking I bring up again and again But no one hears me speaking
4.
I done did it I done did it I done did it at my own behest I took a knife With a blade so sharp And I rammed it straight into my chest I know I’m to blame I’m so acutely attuned Nothing hurts quite as bad As a self-inflicted wound Hurts so bad Hurts so bad Hurts so bad like my soul’s on fire Can’t put it out Can’t tamp it down I’m consumed with a burning desire It’s my fault It’s my fault It’s my fault I'm in this sticky mess I wanted love Wanted love But all I got was a deep distress
5.
No Control 04:39
Don't got no say so Don't got no say so Don't got no say so No say so Nobody listens Nobody hears me Nobody listens Nobody fears me I am no one No one to you I am no one Nothing I can do No control Got no control Can't be pushy Can't be pushy I can't be pushy Can't be pushy Don't wanna bug ya Don’t wanna cause a fuss Don't wanna bug ya I’m just a wuss I am a eunuch I am a vassal Please ignore me Don’t wanna hassle Inconsequential Inconsequential Inconsequential Inessential I am invisible I am a ghost I am a phantom At the bottom of the bottommost You don’t know me But I know you You don’t see me I am see through
6.
I know that you want it You have made that crystal clear And I hear ya, I hear ya, I hear you You stagger right in And pour yourself down And tears gush out of you in torrents Whoever you think you are Whatever it is you're gonna do Just stop it Whatever way you need it Whichever way you think you're gonna get it Just stop it, stop it right now You tell me all your stories And you make them fascinating And they are They are to you Who hit Willie and who gave ya a chocolate steve Let me get my pen And write it all down You told me about your dream A dream in which you kissed me And you kissed me like you never kissed before And then you fell into my womb And you couldn't climb out A kind of rapture of the deep
7.
Jerry 03:43
Jerry was a permanent fixture In our crummy ol' part of town He hung out by the bodega Selling treasures a little broke down You’d see him there on Sundays Playing guitar in a wicker chair Sometimes the drunks would hassle him But Jerry just didn’t care I am the King of Records That’s what he’d say And he was the King of Records The king of the Fenway Jerry would sell a whole mess of things A curio, an oddment, and a novelty He had books and lamps and old cassettes And sometimes he’d give it to you for free Jerry was kind to all of the kids In our sketchy little urban ‘hood Whenever Jerry came around We knew we were in for something good Jerry always had a smile on his face And a pleasant little how-do-you-do Even if he didn’t know your name He knew you through and through It’s guys like Jerry who make you feel Like you live somewhere you belong I gotta say that I like Jerry That’s why I wrote him this little song
8.
Split wide open Like a bloody pomegranate Down the dark Down the dark Turn the screw Wrench the bolt tight Down the dark Down the dark Never gonna heal Never gonna heal Down the dark Down the dark Hot to the touch Burns into bastard blue Down the dark Down the dark Nothing I ever do Is ever good enough for you Down the dark Down the dark Ripped apart Never gonna mend Down the dark Down the dark Lost my way No direction home Down the dark Down the dark
9.
You came and went so fast I barely knew you Like everyone else these days You are vanishing You made your peace And then you went on your way Like everyone else these days You are vanishing How can I hold on to To someone who is not there It's like trying to hang on to a vague dream How can I believe in What I cannot grab in my own hands I guess that it's been my lifelong theme How can I hand over What little that I have left To dubious ideas that hold no weight I think that I'll remain here Steadfast and a little cocksure Not plunk myself down in the palms of fate
10.
Disappear 04:40
You ask me to tell you 'bout my secret fantasy I can tell you right back just what it is You want to know 'bout the thing that I most want The thing I want when I catechize All I want is to disappear All I want is get out of here All I want is to vanish into the sky All I want is to spread my wings All I want is to cut the strings All I want to be an invisible guy You ask what is going on inside my head And you want me to be honest as the sun All I can say is I want to get away Blow it all to pieces with a megaton You want me to chuck out all the BS that I spew And get myself down to the nitty gritty Let me paint you a picture of what's going on inside my mind Even if what's on my mind it ain’t too pretty
11.
I've pursued you for a thousand years Or has it been a million We got our own routine Just like a vaudevillian Wanna get you in my sites Don't care about no bill of rights You'd think that I would loosen up As the years go by But I won't forgive you I won't let it die I'm just like that angry child A child universally reviled My enemy grows older And the world The world grows colder Lemme tell what it's like To live with all the hurt Knock you down, down, down Down in the dirt Then you'll know how I feel Betrayed by my ideal Just want to make you hurt Want to see you in a world of pain This is how it feels When it hits you like a hurricane No matter the price Don't care if I'm not so nice
12.
Every morning I'd look out my window To see what I could see I believed there was another time And another place just waiting for me All I had to do was get myself out there Not live like some forever wannabe It was outside, over there I thought this can't be it This can't be all No, this can't be the whole story What about the promise of a promised land And all that guts and all that glory I was looking for a perfect world Where everything was hunky dory Every night I'd dream the same dream And awaken to the same nightmare Used to get me so goddamn down Spent all my time shouting, Unfair Still I believed there was a another time And another place Outside, over there

about

"Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole. The glue that fits the pieces is the sealing of its original shape."
–Derek Walcott

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released June 9, 2022

Cover "Disappear" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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