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Highway 46 Revisited

by The Revenants

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1.
I got to know you Or at least I thought I did I mean who were you really When I looked up to you as a kid You said you that felt my pain But then you split before the grieving Why oh why are people always leaving Why oh why are people always leaving I tried to love you But you would not let me in You kept me at a distance Like a vestigial twin You lied to me so sweetly And I wanted to go on believing Why oh why are people always leaving Why oh why are people always leaving
2.
I was going to see my girlfriend She lived up in Santa Cruz I was on a midnight drive Driving like I had nothing to lose I popped some dexedrine Just to keep me awake I guess I took a little too much 'Cause it made me start to shake, shake, shake Then I saw a big old semi coming at me in my lane He ran me right off the road For reasons that I still can't explain It was somewhere in-between The Lost Hills and Paso Robles That I did get my final kicks My old car it spun like a dervish And wound up deep down in a ditch Way out on Highway 46 My car, well, it flipped and rolled And it landed upside-down It all seemed to happen in slo-mo In a haze of yellow and brown I remember I said to myself, Hey, well, this is it This is how my life will end Holy shit But then the dust did settle And I got myself out I looked at my mangled car and thought I should've died in there no doubt I was lucky I didn't die I still wonder why, why, why, why didn't I Since then nothing's been the same And I gotta wonder Maybe this is the Twilight Zone And I'm really six feet under Well maybe I didn't survive and I'm in hell Maybe that's why the world's so strange It's hard to tell They say that Jimmy Dean he died here Trying to get his kicks Maybe somewhere he's written a song About Highway 46
3.
We hopped into the station wagon Headed out for our Sunday drive I sat between my sisters Couldn't wait for us to arrive Are we there yet, well soon we'll be Just don't rush it Keep yourself fancy free Are we there yet, well it's around the bend Just over yonder Our little trip will end We went to get ourselves some ice cream And then we got ourselves a flat My dad and I we tried to fix it He chewed his chaw and then he spat We always had ourselves a real good time We fought and sang to the radio We didn't give a hoot where we were going Just as long as we did go This is the way I like to think of us When I think of us at all Me, my sisters and my mom and dad Back when the world was so small
4.
Homesick 05:55
I got a longing A longing in my heart I got a longing And it's tearing me apart It has dogged me Dogged me every day I can't shake it Much to my dismay Yeah this longing Hurts so bad This longing just makes me sad 'Cause I am homesick Homesick for you Homesick Don't know what to do You see every time I come back There's no one there No one there to greet me Yeah, nobody cares I am homesick, homesick Homesick for you I got an ache An ache down in my guts I take Pepto Bismol But it still drives me nuts Nothing seems to quell it Or make it go away I gotta feeling It's here till my dying day Yeah this nausea It makes me sick Nothing, nothing does the trick Nobody says C'mon home, baby C'mon home, c'mon hom
5.
Impossible 04:36
No matter how I look at it No matter how I try I’m never gonna get what I need I can scream And I can fret And I can rip wide open and bleed It’s impossible Yeah it’s impossible Don’t need a weathervane To know which way the wind blows It is impossible Impossible The impossibility of crows Impossible, impossible I can go through therapy And I can seek a higher truth But in the end I’m left with who I am I can write a song So I can make it clear But the world it just don’t give a damn I wish that I were a believer But I know it’s all a lie I can build a monument With my own two hands And stand back and wonder at all I can learn the steps To your favorite song But first I gotta learn how to crawl
6.
Started out on 42nd Street Headed for that big ol' brown Hudson Crossed over New Jersey way Bounded southwestward to Princeton Made it down to Philadelphia Then west across to Ohio Took Route 30 through Illinois Wended our way to Iowa We're travelin' up and down and all around Through a big and small and midsize town On that transcontinental highway Well you and me and the kid makes three We're hap-hap-happy as can be On that transcontinental highway Moved on to Columbus, NE Gassed up that good ol' T-Bone Truck Stop Picked up a K.D. Lang CD With some sliders, some French fries and a soda pop Sped along through Granger, Wyoming Got a ticket from Erik Estrada He winked and sent us on our merry way As we went up to Sierra Nevada Look at all them crazy license plates From every state in our big ol' crazy nation It's all one giant shopping mall Thank God for civilization Climbed our way up a steep incline Thought we'd almost run out of gas Scooted along old U.S. Route 4-0 'Cross that fabled Donner Pass Stopped to get a big bag of pork rinds Then onward we flew through Sacramento Picked up a hippie in Berkeley Reached our end in San Francisco
7.
It was 25 years ago And I was just itching to move I knew if I stayed right where I was I’d never get out of my groove But then as it happened The rabbit suddenly died And instead of feeling blessed I was horrified This one’s for the baby The baby we never had This one’s for the baby I’ll never not feel sad This one’s for the baby The baby we never made B-A-B-Y The memory it won’t fade I planned to move to Boston I was desperate to change my life I’d had about all I could stand Every day was storm and strife But then you called me And I freaked out like a jerk You cried your holy head off While I went berserk You won’t ever forgive me and I won’t ever forgive me No one gets forgiven, baby, oh baby It’s been 25 years now And here we are on the rocks We can’t move forward And we can’t turn back the clocks You have never absolved me And frankly neither have I Here we live side by side And turn a blind eye
8.
The Big Lie 05:25
I didn't know who I was, didn't have a single clue So I tried to be more than what I thought I should be to you I changed the way that I dressed, I adopted a different pose I remember you asked me where I got my clothes, I so wanted to prove myself Wanted to be your number one You liked me because you thought that I was so much fun Well I wrote it all down and it sounded so good I used verbs and nouns just the best that I could And I made it all up, made it all up For you, for you, for you, for you Well you read it all through and it sounded so fine All our stars in the sky well they seemed to align But I made it all up, made it all up For you, for you, for you, for you We would go out on the town, we would go to fancy affairs We'd dance and sing and carry on with our fancy airs People looked up to like a queen and I was your little king Even though none of it meant any fucking goddamn thing I loved to play along and you so loved your part I guess that's why we were doomed from the start I made it all up, I’ll admit it I am the one who went and did it, did it, did it I made it all up, I won't deny it But you were the one who would buy it I didn't know who I was, didn't have a single clue So I went made a life that resembled something true You went right along with it all You implied that it was OK Who are we but a figment or phantom anyway We couldn't be happier, no need to wonder why What does it matter if it's all really just a lie
9.
Sometimes it seems The whole wide world is against you And there ain't no one, no one on your side Well don't lose faith when you're at the bottom 'Cause you will find, you will find a home Well don't be so down So down and so doomy Better to be doughty and laugh at your fears Yeah I know the whole wide world is depressing But you will find, you will find a home Lift yourself up, lift yourself up Lift up off of the ground Get yourself out, get yourself out Get out of town And when you do you will see That you are not alone, no, no And you will find, you will find home Well don't look so lost So lost and pathetic I am here, here right by your side And when it seems You can't go no further Well you're dead wrong You will find a home, you will find a home And when it seems you can't go no further And when it seems you can't go no further You will find a home
10.
I know you think that I don’t know you And maybe, just maybe that’s true But deep down inside there’s a connection That bonds us like super glue Never not ever not gonna love you That’s the way it has to be Never not ever not gonna love you You and me, yeah you and me You and me, yeah you and me Something happens when I look into your eyes And I wonder if it’s the same for you That no matter how impossible it may be There’s always this sense of deja vu You and me, yeah you and me You and me for all eternity I can feel the rhythm of your heartbeat I see the tear in the corner of your eye You can’t tell me I don’t move you You can’t tell me it's some kind of lie
11.
I'm looking closely but I can’t believe it There's a light that shines and I try to receive it The message is vague I must decipher I have no choice I am a lifer And that’s not all, that's not all There's the wonder, the wonder of it all I gotta wonder at the wonder of it all I gotta wonder at the wonder of it all It ain’t about me, no It ain’t about you What's unreal and what is true Who's to say and who's to now But I gotta wonder, I just can't let it go When I look inside I'm taken aback Not much light in here, mostly it’s black I write it all down What I see and feel My small hope I can make it real And that’s not all That's not all There's the wonder, the wonder of it all When I look back it seems so vague But the hurt hangs on like the plague Can’t let it go try as I might Still I write it all down lke a neophyte But that's not all
12.
You been out there Running around for so long You lost your way Not even all those breadcrumbs You left will help you to get back OK But sooner or later you got to make your way Down the road And when you do When you do You can drop your heavy load It is time to come on home It's time to come on home You got dropped like a busy line When they had enough of your stuff I guess you never got handed the word When they said, Enough is enough But now's the time to make your amends And get together With your kith and your kin They're the ones who will take you back Take you back From where you been Weren't you the guy who changed his name And never gave a reason why Weren't you the guy who turned his back on us all And never bothered to say goodbye

about

Well, God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"
Abe said, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"
God said, "No"
Abe said, "What?"
God said, "You can do what you want, Abe
But next time you see me coming, you better run"
–Bob Dylan

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released February 25, 2024

Cover "Highway 46 Revisited" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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