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My Madeleine

by The Revenants

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1.
My Madeleine 04:34
Learned a thing or three along the way Mostly how I don’t know nothin’ And the best I can say It hasn’t been all bad But when I say that you know I’m just bluffin’ If only I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t be in such a stupid mess But isn’t that just what Everyone always says When they back on their life’s progress Where there’s life there’s hope or so I’ve read And I would like to think that’s true Maybe I’m the sort of man Who’s doomed to be a failure Or maybe one day I’ll finally break on through Well I once had such big ideas But looking back they seem absurd They were the thoughts That felt important when I was young But now they’re all dreams deferred Nowadays I get up at four in the morn I have a cup and then I do some writing Try to mark my days the best that I can Collect my thoughts while they’re still biting These are the days and this is the time The time I am living in Trying my best to do what I can I am not yet giving in This is the road, the road I’m on And it’s getting near to the end But before I get there I need to know That it wasn’t all just pretend
2.
What goes up doesn’t always come on down Sometimes it just hangs in midair And sometimes things don’t go according to plan Yeah sometimes life is downright unfair What you know and what can be known They are as separate as false from true It all goes back Yeah it all goes back To the year reality split in two What we’re seeing isn’t what’s happening Or so we have come to learn We were promised we would be great again But then it all took a sinister downturn It’s gotten so that I can’t tell What is illusion and what is real Just when I think I know what I know what I know I get pulled apart by a Catherine wheel What we know is not what we think we know And life is nothing but a dream Lay down all thoughts and surrender to the void Just relax and float downstream
3.
We wanna pretend that the coast is clear But the coast is really opaque Yeah wanna believe all’s well that ends well But that would be a huge mistake Pretending don’t do it Even when it seems there’s something to it The shitty disease ain’t going nowhere Even though I wish it had The shitty disease ain’t going nowhere And that ain’t nothing but bad My sister she done and got it Even though she said she was invincible She's so pissed she swore to God She thought she shouldn’t get it just on principle She said nothing bad ever happens to her But maybe now she’s not so sure We like to think God gives a crap But if you do, buddy You are one big sap We’re smart enough to cook up a vaccine But not so smart to actually use it Imagine being given the key to the kingdom And then you turn around and refuse it Hate to say that’s pretty dumb
4.
Mad for You 04:45
No matter how I look at it No matter how I break it down No matter how I try to get around it I can’t change how I feel It all feels much too real And all I want is to expound it Wish I could let you go From the bottom of my soul In the end I only compound it I am mad for you I am so mad for you I am so mad for you I’m a lunatic You’re always on my mind You’re always in my heart Wish I could let you go You’re there in my dreams In my daily schemes Exactly why I don’t know Wish you would take me in Wish you would love me mad And we’d live forever in the afterglow Yeah, I’m crazy Crazy for you I’m so crazy Je t’en vuex Why can't we make this work I’m not such a stupid jerk Won't you please change your mind I’ve got some flaws I’ve got some quirks Just the way I was designed I’m not so bad Just gimme a try Even if you’re disinclined
5.
The Wish 03:59
There are things I kinda wish for Even though I they won’t come true And of all the things I wish for The most wishy-est is you Think about you all the time When I’m awake and when I’m asleep You're in me way down deep Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle The spoon ran away with the dish Yeah it’s true I’d do anything for you If you’d only let me have my wish My wish is this My wish is this Give us a kiss My wish is this There are things I kinda hope for Like you and me having sex Yeah I know it’s rather crass to say But it’s my very own perplex I know you don’t give me a second thought If you think about me at all When I move in and you erect a wall There are things I kinda long for Even though I know I should not yearn After all this time I got the message But for some dumb reason I will not learn I mean, what's life without a fantasy A fantasy of one perfect lover One boy, one girl ravaging each other
6.
I bleed for you in the morning I bleed for you in the afternoon I bleed for you in the evening Bleed for you like a contrabassoon And when I’m done bleeding I am bone dry Just a bag of old tits Soon to mumify Never gonna let go of me Got me in your grip Never gonna let go of me Brinksmanship I weep for you in May I weep for you in July I weep for you in September I molt then butterfly And when I’m done weeping I go and weep some more I crest like a wave And wash up on your shore I am not a-willin' You are a-killin' me Hit me where I live Took and never give me Got me on my knees So wanting to please Make me beg like a fool I am your tool
7.
Man they make me so angry Man they make me so mad Man they are so fucking stupid It’s all so downright sad I wanna kick the pricks in their dicks They got an answer For any old question you might ask But their answer don’t make no sense When you take them to task Man they are so smug Man they are holier-than-thou Man I just wanna smack ‘em Blow ‘em up like Krakatao I wanna kick the pricks in their dicks Man they talk like morons Man they talk so fucking loud Man they act like the world’s for the taking And that’s something of which they are so proud Man they are fucking crazy Man they say such stupid shit Man they wanna wreck the planet And it doesn’t matter to them not one whit I wanna kick the pricks in their dicks
8.
Everything that can go wrong Will eventually go wrong Sorry but that’s just the nature of things The world is an unforgiving beast With evil forces Yanking on the strings There is a leveling circumstance That puts down the overbearing, the strong, and the rich There is a leveling circumstance That kicks the bad guy down to the ditch The machine breaks down And the gears they lose a tooth And one day the whole thing just grinds to a halt People run around looking for someone to blame But in the end No one knows who's at fault I'm biding my time Biding my time I am biding my time Your lower back goes out And your shingles they tingle And nothing on you works like it once did You feel jealousy Of the young and the vital You can't wait till they hit the skid
9.
Kingsnake 05:14
I'm a kingsnake, baby Slithering through the weeds Like a crowbar with a poison tip I'm a mass of wanton needs I will lure you in With my glossy scales Then I'll squeeze you tight Till I hear your screams and wails Never gonna let you go Never gonna let you go Hsssssss I'm a kingsnake, baby Speckling in the brush Just wanna seduce you Be my main crush Don't you worry much I eat only rodent and frog You gotta believe me, baby I ain't no demagogue They say red on black Is a friend of jack But red on yellow It done kills a fellow I'm a kingsnake, baby Yeah I'm a powerful constrictor Gonna glom on to you tightly Till I'm the final victor You will never be free of me Once I got you in my grip It's the way that I roll My manner of courtship
10.
I know how it appears But it’s not quite what it seems Almost but not quite I may look hopeless So what if I am Apparently it’s my birthright What it looks like from the outside It's not what's going on within Say, hi, hello How you doin' How have you been Yeah I get it You're all fed up Don't wanna give me one more inch Bring out the mob Haul out the gallows It's time for an old-fashioned lynch Hooray, hurrah Lower the rope I am beyond all hope There's a world Beyond this world Of that one thing I am certain And one day I may get a peek Get a peek behind the curtain Until then I will hide I will hide on the outside
11.
Got a lot on my mind Driving me to distraction Can't sort it out Can't take no action Need a reason Got to carry on Got to get outta here Got to get gone If it's not one thing it's another If it's not one thing it's another It's always something Got to move it along Got to find a road Leave it all behind Leave behind my load Burn my journals Burn my past Hit the open road Get real gone real fast If it's not this then it's that Got to make me a plan Then I got to stick to it Cut out the noise Then cut out the shit There's a brighter day It's just up ahead If I don't make it You can shoot me dead
12.
Castaway 05:09
I am old now Yeah that much is certain And I don’t like it no not one bit Don’t like the way kids talk When they talk in up-speak Just sounds to me like so much shit Don’t like the developers And the fat construction workers Who have all invaded my neighborhood And as for those rich girls from China Who dress up like cute dolls They seem to me to be up to no good That’s it for me, see you 'round later It’s the end of my day My time is up, my job is done I’m one less castaway Bye bye, bye bye One day I woke up And the world around me changed None of its values reflected mine People spend their days now Staring at their fucking phones As if they have a window into something divine I walk these streets lost and lonely I am not seen and I am not heard What I believe and what I care about At best it seems a little absurd I am nothing now Don't need you to remind me I'm not who I was thirty years ago Thirty years ago I was young and vital But now I am a shadow This all happened In the blink of an eye And I can't believe I'm almost done If you think it's not gonna happen to you You're fooling yourself son

about

“No sooner had the warm liquid mixed with the crumbs touched my palate than a shudder ran through me and I stopped, intent upon the extraordinary thing that was happening to me.” -Proust

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released October 15, 2023

Cover: Astrid, prom night; photo by Eliot Wilder

See the video: youtu.be/kJxVmndDUzU

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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