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The Year of My Ramona

by The Revenants

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1.
And now it’s come To the end of the road And we got to say fare-the-well Don’t know about you But I’m gonna miss this This crazy-ass ride on this carousel It was the year of my Ramona How could I forget (I can’t forget) How could I forget (I can’t forget) It was the year of my Ramona So filled with regret My Ramona I look in your eyes But I can’t read ‘em Don’t know if you’re happy or or you're sad You’ve always been A bit ambiguous As I stand before you unclad You’ve got your issues That’s what you say Actually you call them quirks But they don’t bother me I could care less I just love how your mind works
2.
You told me at the start That you did not like the cut of my jib Then you pulled out a knife And you stuck it right under my rib You said if I caused trouble You would hand me my ass Well I must admit I admired Your balls of brass But no, no I will never be your slave No, no I will never be afraid You tried your very best To keep me under your thumb Guess you thought I was an easy mark Or just kind of dumb Well I let you think That you could run me into the ground And when you went in for the kill Well I was nowhere to be found You tried to keep me down Any old way that you could You tried to make me look like a fool You said you did it for the common good But I did not sit back And let you run yourself all over me I stood up against you And the rest is history
3.
Well I pulled in to my old town A town I hadn't seen in years I'd forgotten the names of the streets And the names of my old peers My old house and my old school They pretty much looked the same But there was something dark underneath Something I could not name You can't go home again No you can't go home again There ain't nothing for you there There ain't no one who gives a care I went to a bar to get me a drink And I saw my old buddy Joe I asked him what he'd been up to And he said, Who really wants to know You've not been back here since '72 So it's not like you give a shit Whoever we are, whatever we do Look around, this is it Joe and I got into his truck And we drove out to Buzzards Dam We talked about the old times And when he got back from Nam Joe, he got pretty shit-faced And said, Some things never last I'm not sure what the answer is But it doesn't exist in the past
4.
What was I thinking Hell I don’t know That I could affect some sort of change I’d worked like the devil My whole life long Why does that seem so strange I had this vision Of a better world Of a world where we’re all holding hands I know that seems silly I know that’s naive But it’s what my heart understands Look out below Here I come Ready to save the day Look out below Here I come Everything'll be OK What was I thinking Had some big ideas And one by one they imploded It fucked me up Tore at my heart All my confidence eroded How could I get back To where I once belonged Just like the Beatles had said I left my home In Tucson Arizona And with my dreams I fled
5.
Found a letter in my journal From St Martin’s Press Said they really liked my novel It was someone saying “yes” Don’t remember that I got it Don’t remember it at all Then it came screaming back to me Like a flaming fireball You took it all away My one last shot Never had my heyday It was all I got This is how I would repay The life I bought My one last shot You said we had a deal For my transgression Tit for tat and tat for tit Or some kind of expression I tried to say sorry But it was not enough You would never forgive me You stood pretty tough You rarely get a shot Only happens now and then And if you don’t take it Well it may never come again This has been my story This is how it went for me And I can only dream of a life Of a different history
6.
I wancha back I wancha back Ahhhhhhh I wancha back I wancha back You got a thing about you baby Can't say just what it is You got a thing about you baby I think it's 'bout to make me schiz You got a thing about you baby And it's kicked me in the guts You got a thing about you baby And it turns me into a klutz You got a thing about you baby Got a block rockin' beat You got a thing about you baby Without you I am incomplete You got a thing about you baby I know that you don't take no flack You got a thing about you baby Can't you see that I wancha back
7.
Nowherebound 07:00
Got a ticket for my destination Standing here in a subway station But I don't know I don't know which way to go Should I go to where lights are bright Should I go into the dead of night Well I don't know I don't know friend from foe And I am nowherebound Just look around, just look around And I am nowherebound Can't be found, can't be found So I board an outbound train Got nothing to lose and nothing to gain 'Cause I don't know I don't know what difference it makes The train gets stuck halfway through And the conductor he don't know just what to do He don't know He don't know what's wrong with the brakes Somewhere over the rainbow There I go, there I go Somewhere over the rainbow There I go, there I go "A girl in a white dress Was being courted out among the cars: As her voice swarmed and puddled into laughs I felt like some old pike all badged with sores Wanting to swim in touch with soft-mouthed life"
8.
You don't get what I am up to You don't see from my point of view It's like I speak a different language You're a headline and I'm a haiku You look at me with derision Like what I do is pretty dumb But if you've never put it all on the line How can you know where I'm coming from You don't got any point of reference You've no idea what I'm on about You look at me like I'm an alien I give you doubt You've never struggled with a direction There's no place you've wanted to go Everything has been taken care of What you don't know you don't know You look at me with discomfort You'd rather I never even come around "Don't go messing with my foundation" You say, "don't disturb the ground" Maybe you should try to write a poem Spill your guts out on the page Being met with indifference You'd have a better way to gauge Don't expect you'll be understanding Don't want your sympathy But I don't want your judgment Like something is wrong with me There are days when I just can't stand it There are days when I lose my voice There are days when it's all too painful But then I continue, I have no choice
9.
Ozymandias 04:34
Not so long ago and not so far away In a kingdom down the block A big ol’ dude well he held sway He says, It’s my way or the highway Ozymandias King of kings Ozymandias Look on my works and despair The big ol’ dude built his world out of sand His self-belief as tough as any Ayn Rand He says, I gotta know right where you stand He had his own enforcers Who preyed upon the weak Their modus operandi Was not all that unique Kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall Everything has its prime But the big ol’ dude he did not know That he’d run out of time The big ol’ dude he only wanted more and more Nothing was enough to satisfy his need to score He says, Do what I say or I’ll stab you like a matador
10.
Hiraeth 05:20
There is a place There is a place I know There is a place lost to the past And it is a home It is a home long gone And I hold on to it steadfast Was it a dream Was it all a dream I had These days I just don't know I feel a grief I feel a grief deep down I feel a grief that lays me low Hiraeth, hiraeth Oh how I yearn Hiraeth, hiraeth No I can't return There is a house There is a house somewhere It has a smell that brings me back There is my mom And there is my dear old dad They say lay down my sack There is land A land I knew It seems a million mile away I wanna go I wanna go right now Before I get to my last day Just gotta laugh Just gotta laugh at the sky It's all so strange and vast What is the point What is the point of it all When nothing will ever last Hiraeth, hiraeth Oh how I yearn Hiraeth, hiraeth No I can't return
11.
I am crude, I am grotesque My words skid along, long, long In a clumsy arabesque I'm a bull in a China shop My muscles slither out my tank top Hey diddle, diddle The dog and the piddle I am boom, boom, boom I am hunger, I am appetite I am hot, hot, hot as burning anthracite I am desire, I am rage C'mon and bust that lock Lemme out of my cage Hey diddle, diddle The dog and the piddle I am desire I am lust I leave my enemies nonplussed I am avarice I am intoxication I am the trend that sweeps the nation Hey diddle, diddle The dog and the piddle
12.
Without You 06:51
I said hold, hold me now Hold me in your arms And find peace I said stop, stop worrying about All the things Things you cannot fix I said come, come to me Let me fill you up with my seed I said dream It’s all a dream What will it be when we wake Sky is blue, shining now Waiting for you And I'm still here Say without fear that I I can't live without you Without you I said see, see me as I am Look me in the eye Don’t turn away Well we can blow, we can blow our minds Change our path and make it real I said be, c’mon and be with me Don’t deny what you feel It can be true True as you want it to be Just let me in to your heart

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"Of lovers whose bodies smell of each other
Who think the same thoughts without need of speech
And babble the same speech without need of meaning."
–T.S. Eliot

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released August 25, 2023

Cover "The Year of My Ramona" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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