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This Longing

by The Revenants

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1.
Born Again 04:33
Knew it the moment that I saw you I was goner there and then You pinned me down like an insect Wouldn’t even let me say “when” Held my breath till I turned crimson Then I died and I was born again I died and I was born again Born again Never knew nothing like this feeling This feeling of being borne aloft I’ve soared above little fluffy clouds And I let myself whoosh and waft From down below you called to me And your voice was sweet and soft Your voice was sweet and soft Here I am All tattered and torn Here I am Once again reborn You found a home deep inside me In a place down in my core It is a place liquid and allusive At the bottom of my drawer You are the bull snorting in the ring And I am a conquistador I am a conquistador
2.
Wanna know what it feels like How it feels from your point of view The way you feel when I hold you Wanna know what it feels like How it feels when I'm inside What you see when I behold you Won't you love me like a woman Love me like a woman Love me in the way only a woman can Won't you love me like a woman Love me like a woman I'll be your cavewomen You be my caveman Wanna know what it feels like How it feels like when you're having sex The way it feels to be penetrated Do you actually like it Do you want it all the time Or do you think it's overrated Yeah I really mean it Not being insincere Wanna know what you are feeling Wanna see what you see See your POV When you look past me at the ceiling Wanna know what it feels like How it feels when you look in my eyes Do you feel delight or is it disgust Is my body a work of art Or am I a piece of meat Are in it for love or is it merely lust
3.
You say that you love me But what does that mean I don't feel what you feel There's no in-between Don't count on me (Don’t you count on me) I will only let you down (Don’t you count on me) No don't count on me (Don’t you count on me) Pretend I'm not around Don't count on me You say that I'm the only one The only one you need But what about how I feel If you prick me I bleed I can feel your desire And I can feel your pain I can feel how deep down you go Living life under constant rain You say can’t let me go That I’m your last chance But what does that make me A victim of your circumstance
4.
Pill 03:47
You once said you would walk with me Out of the desert of my grief Wanted so bad to believe in you In you I put my belief I am a pill A bitter, bitter pill Just one dose and you’re awake I am a pill A bitter, bitter pill A pill that no one wants to take Why won't you take me You once said you would hold my hand And lead me out of the dark But when it turned into be a painful slog You regretted that remark You once said said you would be my side But then you disappeared In the end you were like the rest It's what I always feared
5.
So many roads I've taken Most of them dead ends I'm bloodied, bruised and beaten No one makes amends Wanna get my act together But I've run out of strength Still I try with all my might To go that extra length My heart has been broken Throughout this lifelong jamboree Take this endless yearning And set me free Set me free I get out on the highway But I wind up nowhere The world is full of strangers And none of them could care Looking for a home sweet home Don't need to be too sweet Don't got no expectations As I beat a retreat I wish that you could see me In the way that I see you I know that that's unlikely What's a boy to do Wish I could forget you Let go of all those days It will always break my heart Now and for always
6.
What happened then was what it was It was well I dunno what it was There were odd characters It was grotesque And nothing was what you might’ve guessed Like in a dream that bleeds you dry Till your bones they start to decalcify Everybody’s happy Everybody’s happy Everybody’s happy now There was that time and oh what a time It was well I dunno how you keep time There were villains There were saints They all live in a box of paints Like a world you only catch in a peek But you feel in every bubble and squeak What can I expect I can't expect nothing I can't expect nothing no how What can I hope for I can't hope for nothing I can't hope for nothing no way What I know now is what I know And what I know I can’t unknow I’m cleaning house I’m clearing the decks I’m replacing the junk with special effects I’m picking up speed as I move along As a choir of ghosts sing my swan song
7.
I’m a captive of your song That streams on every frequency It spreads on out like a thunderhead And it rains down on me Take this longing from my heart And free me this wretched grief Is it too much to ask of you All I want is some small relief Take this longing from my heart I been out on this lonesome road With no companion by my side You seem to think I want the world When a crust of bread would keep me satisfied Take this longing from my soul Help me fill my empty hole I'm a captive of your song It plays on all across the dial Maybe one day it'll be number one And you will go that extra mile
8.
Downs 04:15
I know that I can be vexing Not always in a good mood While the rest of the world is nice and polite I can come off rude Don't hate me Don't hate me Don't hate me Me and my perpetual frown Don't hate me Don't hate me Don't hate me I am on the down All around everyone's laughing They are in on the joke What they see when the look at me An old man who got broke "Why is he always a downer It don't do him no good He needs to pull himself out of it" Doncha know I would if I could
9.
Bad Touch 04:34
I let you in Into my tiny world It's a world that no one has seen I take a risk But I never know Will you be loving or will you be mean Will you be loving or will you be You gotta bad, bad touch But I love you so much I am a fool to let you in Your gotta bad, bad touch Put me in double dutch You always get under my skin Your bad, bad touch It happens every time Shouldn't be surprised Never seem to get it through my thick head You give me that look Then you pull out the rug Then you disappear and leave me for dead Then you disappear and leave me for Why do you do what you do Well I don't know Does it give you a thrill To know you've hurt me so I let you in Into my tiny world You trash the place like you don't care How can I blame you It's my own damn fault One day I am gonna leave you I swear One day I will leave you
10.
You don’t want me poking around Where I shouldn’t be poking Like you to think I’m just joking around But you know I’m not joking You mean too too much to me In ways that seem surreal I try like mad to shake myself loose But I can’t un-feel what I feel You don’t want to feel my heat You don’t want me getting too near You don’t me any way to Sunday Gotcha loud and clear You don’t hafta shout Yeah I don’t wanna say that I love you But it is always leaking out And then every time I say that I love you I can see you freaking out I know I gotta let it all go But then then I gotta wonder what I’ll be Some guy with his hands in his pockets Yearning for agape This whole thing is pretty fucking twisted In ways that I can’t unknot I know should just cool down about it And be thankful for what I got But there’s a fire that won’t be extinguished Because it’s fueled by a deep-seated need And as long as that fire is burning My spirit will never be freed
11.
I used to keep a journal Wrote in it everyday Wrote about the shit in my shitty life Wrote so I could have my say I kept it going for 40-odd years Mostly I’d bitch and complain And when I look back on it now I see depression and pain I wrote a hundred volumes About every cranny and nook And in the end I wound up with A very sad handwritten book I used to keep a journal Wrote in it every detail The life I lived and who I was Every win and every epic fail Wrote about the people that I loved And all the people that I hated I guess I must’ve known a lot of jerks Yes, that’s clearly demonstrated I used to keep a journal But now I’m gonna throw them out They don’t do me any good no more Of that I have no doubt So I brung them to a UPS store So they could be pulverized But the guy behind the counter Looked at me kinda weird And said that was ill-advised
12.
I stand at the edge About to fall through Then something bad grabs me Right out of the blue Like nothing I've known It rips me apart Like a bloody stake Like a bloody stake Nailed right to my heart I've said it once, yeah And I'll say it again Enough is enough already Amen, brother, amen I've been though the mill I've run out of all hope I would take my own life If I had enough rope I'm no longer hungry Don't care much for sex I've given up coffee I've cleared all the decks What makes you go on living What makes you survive Do you think things will get better And you'll be glad you're alive Do you think your tomorrows Will bring to you a happier phase Do you think all your tomorrows Will bring you happier days

about

I wrote a hundred volumes
About every cranny and nook
And in the end I wound up with
A very sad handwritten book

credits

released October 9, 2023

Cover "This Longing" by Eliot Wilder

Songs written and performed by Eliot Wilder

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The Revenants Boston, Massachusetts

"It was hell," recalls former child.

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