Michelle got mad at me for messing up her birthday
I forgot that she preferred chocolate cake
She said, You are the worst man in the whole wide world
And I thought, well, for goodness sake
And Jen’s beef with me was that I helped her write some songs
I presumed I was doing her a favor
Turns out that I had stepped into her sticky web
Where I was just this week’s flavor
Why oh why oh why am I
Why am I the bad guy
And Scott pretended that he was my closest friend
Just so he could con me out of cash
And when I let him know that I was nobody’s fool
He threw our friendship into the trash
And Erica, she accused me of being narcissistic
When I wouldn’t go along with her every thought
She said, You only do whatever the fuck you wanna do
That’s the same thing I heard from Scott
I sit her now and I try to connect the dots
And put it altogether in my head
I would take the blame for all the wrongs I’ve done
If I could only find the thread
Betty and Jon, well they got real steamed at me
When I went and moved away from LA
At first I thought they thought I was abandoning them
Turns out that Jon was secretly gay
And Sharon, well she hate me just because I was there
When her mom went and blew out her brains
And I know that it was in no way my fault, no, no
But who else was she gonna blame
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